I know that it's not just me thinking this....although I might be the only one saying it out loud. Why is motherhood sooooooo hard?? I thought this motherly instinct thing was supposed to be hardwired right into our brains! Well, I know at least that it is definately embedded into our hormones and emotions, otherwise I wouldn't burst into tears of frustration at a moments notice.
Today it was as simple as my daughter crying because she didn't want to take her bath. This is a neccessary procedure for her, and yes sometimes painful for her. It breaks my heart for her to hurt, but is it wrong that I also get so frustrated that she is screaming at ME. I don't want to hurt her, does she think I do??
When a child is "naughty" and needs discipline, whether it be a time-out or priviledge taken away, or dare I say "swat on the bum" , it seems natural that they will feel some hatred toward you. But when the hatred is the result of an act of love and service to her, I can't handle it.
I admire so many mothers out there that have the patience and understanding to deal with children with special needs, because as hard as I try...I know I fall short of what she needs.
Okay so this is not a "pity me" post, but I just had to tell someone, and seeing as how this keyboard I type on is VERY understanding, I feel much better now.
One thing to clarify, (in case my post is ever actually read) is that I DO know I offer my daughter the most LOVE and compassion that is humanly possible. I know that she never doubts how much I love her. And I LOVE and CHERISH those rare moments when I can feel her troubled spirit being comforted by my presence and embraces. *Tear rolling down my cheek* Good Night.
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